Friday, November 17, 2006
oh man.. i miss the feeling of having a bf... here i am studying and workin 2 jobs.. i'm tryin to keep myself occupied by not thinkin abt it... somehow.. i still look out for CUTE GUYS and GIRLS!! muahahaha... today at werk(pool spot)... this girl she talk to me.. she say i look like chinese..can i speak chinese? i speak chinese better or malay? am i half blood? hahaha... she's cute.. she's not younger than me of cuz.. she's around 19 - 22... very cute.. another person i find cute is CHUNFEN!!! hahaha.. tat girl is really cute and bubbly... blur but cute... hahaha.. tats fer girls.. fer guys... surya's spsu papa and his fren... wow... i melt wen i see them... whakakakakaka.... kidding.. but their realli cute... oh man.. can i b the gf? omg.. i sound so desperate... no laa... but ya laaa... wateva laa... crap.. hai.. hav to complete my drama assignment... sux man... i dun even feel like going for drama tml.. tmr werkin at gelare.... sat werkin at pool spot.. sunday got meeting then racky pasir ris to ecp.. monday skool.. tues werk at gelare.. wed werk at pool spot... thurs microbio PAPER... fri werk at gelare.. sat werk at pool spot..sun werk at pool spot.. that's my life... sian sian sian.. i'm waiting for my scars to fade... not totally.. but at least fade... so tat i can reprocess the whole thing again! muahahahahaha! farker.. no laa... i'm goin 2 stop cutting.... and start stoning.... well...i alrdy started! muahahaha... k.. i'm nuts... gtg...
2:33 AM;
I made my mark
Thursday, November 16, 2006
today i feel so letargic... during prac i slpt for half an hour... during math i slpt another half an hour.freaking tired sia... darren called me down to werk at pool spot today... i took off cuz i wanna do my drama assignment... but i think he tired laa... so i help out... at nite den do my drama... yadot ton a doog yad... onnud y i teg dloc sredluohs morf ym zdnerf.... fuck it....
3:50 PM;
I made my mark
Thursday, November 09, 2006
where's tt special someone wen i need someone the most?? can that special being be by my side wen i need tat someone? i called off my relationship wif him.... better off as frenz... he's not that special someone hu's there fer me most of the time... i'm being unfair cuz i accepted him wen i know fer the fact he wun be by my side most of the time... accepting is one thing... going thru it is another... everything seems so dark and misty... i try to get out of it... tryin to picture a bright and radiant world... but i'm juz deceiving myself further... stop lying to myself....
2:57 AM;
I made my mark
Mummy and daughter... love.... sorry brother not here... no hab his pix..
i left with my head hanging low.. shame filled me... hatred grows within me.. love dissolved as fast as can be... cutting strucks me.. guilt stop me... disappointment surrounds me... defeated i feel...
happiness barely exist in my dictionary... i wrote secrets in my diary.. thousands of pictures described my feelings... no words could express the agony... my bottle is almost to its brim... no other bottles could withstand my emotions.. all i feel like doing is simply scream.... tormenting myself down and within... scars are all i've left... past not to be remembered yet physically reminded... i've myself to blame... but no one could ease the pain..
to share is one thing... the express is another... i can be stubborn... but i my heart is brittle... bruises and scars are made in my heart... no one could see it nor feel the cut... bit by bit, i'm cutting down... but more will come wen truths are found...
today finally wen to police to report my lost of atm, skool admin and ez link cards... aft 1 week den i report.. so dumb... no time laa... today rush fer EC&C meeting... walao... din noe got alot of things to do... but i'll give my best since i'm given the task... and i embarrassed myself alot today... firstly, wen i reach meeting late... and i sat down.. i drop my hp... consecutively, i drop my pen.. they laugh at me.. hahaha... at least i create an atmosphere.. hahaha.... den at werk... i wanted to take ice from starbux... i bang into the glass door... so dumb... i've been werkin there fer so long and to think i could actually bang myself on the door... next... the truffles... i wanted to put he box of i/c truffles into the paper bag... woosh... the box opened up and truffles fell into the bag... nvm.. i kept cool and change the truffles for new wan... den put back properly den display back.. hahaha... mummy... miss euuu.... i'll make sure i give u a treat wen my pay comes..kk.. gtg slp... i slpt at 6.30am this morning.. cuz doin report the whole night aft werk.. and tmr goin racky pasir ris to ecp tmr with daryl... yAwn..... guud night.........
2:38 AM;
I made my mark
Friday, November 03, 2006
da fArk! lol... i dunno y... i got loads of stuff weighing in my mind... dunno which to let go... i talked to imran, jaz, aba and shihui abt him... the whole topic is abt breaking up.. i'm tired... its short but exhausting... i'm too tired of listening to his nag and scolding.. i;m too tired to tolerate his nonsense... i'm tired of telling myself to hang on and tat 2 yrs will pass fast... he's not here physically and ppl always say absence makes the heart grow fonder... no... he's not physically here but he scold me like as if i see him everyday and he noe me too well... i was hurt tat time he said he dun bother if im sick.. cuz he said wen i was asked to rest i din... ask to eat.. i din... F... up laa... i tried to slp earl.. i lie down at 12.. i slpt at 5... i cant possibly eat if i'm so bloated... and i work because i'm in need to cash... he SHOULD KNOW THAT! he werk b4.. and now... i'm already werking 2 jobs.. pool spot and gelare... i'm keeping my mind accupied and not think of anythin... i'm tired laa... i wanna tell him this:i think we shall juz see wad the future holds for us... no point being together juz for the sake of record... its a torture for me and euu... if u dun find it a torture.... i do... wen i realli in need of someone by my side to listen and be there for me wen i'm down.... its my second family, gelare ppl hu is always there... and most of my problems i dun feel comfortabletelling him... cuz i'm too scared of his reaction... he wun agree wit me for EVERYTHIN... he will side wad i'm angry or sad wit... tat makes me sadder... at first i realli realli tot u are e one tt i'm lookin for... i finally let go of my ex bcuz u came and lit up my life.. but somehow the fire is dying.... i'm tired of trying to keep the oxygen sufficient for the fire to go on.. i'm being controlled for no good reason... den... i'm not being bothered if i dun listen... fark laa.. sick sick sick... now i'm so bloody stress by skool, cca, gelare, pool, family and him... so... i think i dun like the feeling of being controlled wen i'm sooo stressed... it stressed me further... so i think... i wan to let go of this relationship.. i got no more oxygen to supply... we juz see wat the future holds for us.. for now.. i wanna be free... i juz wanna werk and study... and i dowan u to say i got no time fer u wen u book out... so.. ya.. let us be free...
11:41 AM;
I made my mark
