i dunno whr to begin... dere's too many things tts goin on... but which is the most drastic one?? seems like most of them are on par... juz imagine...one day... u woke up late for test... walk till the roadside... and a few minutes later... turn back and walk home cuz u feel tt ur gonna get ur attack wen u reach there... test starts at 9.. and ur still at hm wen its 8.45am... gone case... and u onli learn topic 1 and 2.. topic 3.. u dun even haf the handout cuz u nvr attend lectures.. wads d point of goin for the test even? to prove to the lecturer that ur the worst student in cls? well... u alrdy achieve tt.. therefore.. for food preservation test 1... my mark is 0...

on the very same day... ENVSTA test results are released online.. wen u went to check... u couldnt understand a shit! out of 100... u managed to attained 1/5 of the marks... how 'happie' can one get?

earlier, b4 these 2 incidents, ur bf msged u... suspecting sth's not right wen u msg ur old old crush hu juz happens to be an aquaintance of urs.. where's the trust gone to? did it wen for a walk and nvr came back? u were alrdy so worried wen he din reply back the night b4.. thinkin he might be angry... so u kept on msgin.. and still no reply... and ur tots suddenly ran wild... God.. help me.... its like a big boulder come crashing on u from the top...

after all these things tt happened... u tried msging the person whom u always turn to first... den.. she said she is goin out with her friend... its not tt u dislike her fer tt... but if u were in her shoes, uu would accompany the one hu needs u more at tt time and compensate another day... but then again.. different ppl might haf different view... a promise said, is a promise made... haiz.... i juz need to be alone NOW... my mind is in a whirl.... whr have all the ppl i need gone to? maybe i need to do some soul-searching..

after all... xin yan is always there for me....

11:20 AM;
I made my mark

our ties are broken.. our paths seems parallel to one another... nvr would we have a chance to cross each others' paths again... sometimes, my heart juz wanna haf a peek at ur journey of life... wondering if there's someone accompanyin u by ur side during ur journey.. even wen i ardy noe for the fact tt there's someone holding ur hand and guiding u thru, i dunno wads the feeling i felt... i cant help it for feeling this way!!! altho i noe we're thru, and i'm alrdy walking my journey with someone new.. reminicing the past wen i saw u... this is bad... i shuden be selfish.... selfish towards him... and towards my companion.... its time i put down all my memories wit him and walk ahead and dun look back....

11:55 PM;
I made my mark

as i sat at the back at the alley... my heart started to wrench... i could hardly catch my breath.. yearning for my medicine which UNFORTUNATELY i din bring... usually, i had it with me everywhere i go.. mayb cuz i was late fer werk... i wanted to call my sis to bring it down... by then... i would have died of 'squeezed-heart'... ave asked me to sit outside and rest.. breathe fresh air.... it wasnt helpin... so i had to bear with it all the way at werk... felt better aft awhile... haiz..... i wonder... y muz i suffer from this... too much sins.. i cant rely on medicine all my life... fArk man...urgH!

later in the night aft werk.. wen out wit my sis and her bf.. it was her burfdae.. i haven get her anythin yet...waiting for payday..im like totally broke.. tts y i dun realli wanna go out.. and besides... i'm tired... very very tired.. i dunno how much my eyebags weigh...

faiz found someone he loves alrdy... im happie for him... i hope.. he realli treasure her alot... and hope he'd forget me.. forget the past... and forge ahead... cuz the past would oni drag hiim down and as a fren.. i wouldnt wanna see him fall.... embrace ur life with the happiness u haf now.. god bless u..

my nut fren is havin rlnship crisis.. i couldnt realli help her much... oni lend a listening ear... and give some tots... i hope she'd feel better aft letting it out... i dowan her to end up breaking down.. its not a very nice feeling... i wish i could be there for her wen she needed someone... and not think tt there's nobody there..i'm juzt 8 numbers away... take care gal...

4:59 AM;
I made my mark

pls dun leave me... :( i'm all scared now...

5:13 AM;
I made my mark

5:59 AM;
I made my mark

shagged, tired and aching all over... wen to simpang to eat cuz it was jon's last day of werk... i msged him to ask him if he wanna go simpang wit khai and aft tt i'll join em... wah.. he realli came.. lol.. i took quite some time b4 i could excuse myself from the group to join him.. sat for a while and he wanted a stick... no no no.. was my answer.. i'd oni give him the very end of the stick..(whakakakaka) and then.. wen to eastwood.. cuz we got nth to do and slackin at simpang.. not tt nice feeling.. i din noe he brought his bike... haiyo.. already so rabak still wanna bring it out.. we slacked at the same spot.. talk crap.. and listen to mp3... den he shocked me wit a question(which i wouldnt say) my heart suddenly stop... wah.. at tt point... i realli needed my medicine sia!!! but nvm... tahan awhile..... den... to find out the truth... i wanted to jump up and down like an idiot... (k...tt was a lie) i nvr felt so happie... my kai xing guo is permanently MY kai xing guo... wuahahahaha... i dunno how he felt... but i realli was overjoyed till i got no reaction.. whakakakakaka.... okiee laa....its late... 4.15Am 12 june 07 was the mark made on me... nitee!

5:07 AM;
I made my mark

today... he came to my werkplace.. his fren zac, bluff me.. say he fell off his bike... inside me was like..." OMG.... " and stunned... i was scared.. lol.. den wen he came.. he told me his fren was juz pulling my legs.. idiot ryt.. i was happy dat i was too lazy to werk actualli.. den we sat at the alley behind and talk.. hehee... den aft he wen off.. i was flooded with orders... very shagged.. later in the night, he text me... ask me out for supper... of cuz i seized the chance.. hehee... he wanted to pick me up.. but i said nvm... cuz i was sticky and smelly.. hahaha.. den wen we reached simpang... he ate but i juZ drank teh peng.. hahaha... he said might as well dun come down.. lol... juz wanted to see him wat....... den he offered to send me home... i said dowan.... cuz i was sticky and smelly... hahaha... he insisted... so did i~~! hahaha.. in the end... i walked home from simpang... aft he got home.. i asked if he could accompany me talk on the fone... b4 tt.. this was wad i typed on my hp...

i had my great times wit him.. he can make me smile like not many could.. i seized every moment i had wit him.. my true feelings for him, i do not show..i treat him like no other frenz i haf.. but my feelings for him is like for no one else.. perhaps tat is wat secret love is.. having to swallow e true feelings but have no guts to show.. his soft spoken self and his looks have amazed me.. his smile makes my heart awake.. wanting to noe more bout him.. and be his other half.... but, is tat possible? every chances i get to meet him, i wouldnt miss it.. even if i'm totally shagged or not feeling well... cuz...... till wen can it last?? wad if he found his other half of his life?? i wun get many of this chance... or even... none.... y din i get to noe him earlier?? y is time always my obstacle??i feel so guud wenever his name pOps on my hp screen.. he's like my kai xing guo... my sa gua... my bai chi...

he nvr pillion gurls b4.. and he actualli doesnt wan to... but he said i would b his first gal pillion... he doesnt mind.. i felt so happie wen he said he doesnt mind...but i still dare not take.. he like to feel bad over small things.. i treat him to gelare stuffs... and he felt bad... wen i left the money on the table to pay for my drinks.. he din wanna take.. so i wanted to put in his helmet.. he swifted, and the money drop on the floor.. so i picked it up.. and he felt bad.. LOL... very sotong kind.. hehee....

4:53 AM;
I made my mark

hahaha... guess wat??? 31st may - 1st june was my happiest moment... i shared my time with someone who was abit unique, i can say... we knew each other's existance like, years back in secondary sch... but, it was more of a frequent stranger... yesterday i hung out with him... we played pool.. altho he's not realli good at it... he was quite a patient person... i was tryin to be as stupid as can be.. but cant la... hold cue means c rious... hahaha... den we walk to east coast from parkway... he rode his bike to parkway.. so i told him i meet him at east coast then he can ride his bike there... but his 'gentlemenass' (no such word) carried him forward and said, its okie... we walk there.. later walk back then take my bike.. we were silent most of the time... but i like the quietness.. somehow, i feel so relax being with him... we sat at a bench.. joke and riddles vommitted out.. den silent... i realli dun mind silent.. altho it was awkward.. i scared i bore him.. hahaha.... den.. we walk at the beach.... wrote words on the sand... sth like "hope _ _ _ _ _ _ 's stomachache go away soon! " hahaha... sometimes... he made me feel secured... sometimes...not! hahaha... somehow.. if ever he does sth which i always wanted a guy to do, i will fly high!!!! hahaha... he's half way thru meeting my mark.. but this simple yet many guys doesnt do, will touch my real deep... it once happened to me... but... i oni see him as a fren.. do sth to make me feel touch... he was coughin away.... he's sick..yet he came down to slack wit me... so... wen he said he wanted to go to the restroom.. i said i go 7-11 awhile to get sth... so i wen to get a bottle of water for him... i pass him e bottle... IF i am him.... i would feel real touch!! tat's e kind of feeling i wanna get... i dun wan to ask u to do it for me... but on ur own accord... do it... INITIATIVE... yea man.... hahaha... gUuD NiTE!!!! =D=D=D=D hehee

6:17 AM;
I made my mark

damn!!! i miss him!!! the R guy i mean... i feel like msgin him, feel like calling him... lol... wad can i do???

6:14 AM;
I made my mark