if it hadnt been for me... this wouldnt be in sucha big mess... i'm a jinx... if i hadnt been stuck in waffles stn wit zoey, and if i hadnt been scooping i/c all the while, jamil wouldnt have notice it. if i hadnt shown my letargic face, ppl wouldnt think i'm super tired... if i had smiled, ppl wouldnt think my hand is suaN. if i hadnt been close with jamil and edith, ppl wouldnt have misconception that jamil pamper me... if i hadnt open my mouth and said anythin to xuan... zoey wouldnt think tt think too much... if i had quit long time ago... all these would haf come to this stage... there are things which doesnt point to me directly.... but if things were to round up... i'm the cause of it... i should juz mind my own business at werk and werk fer the sake of working... i wish i could turn back time and tender my resignation wen Ave did... at least i wouldnt haf to go thru this... i feel bad for jamil who haf to swallow this and lower his pride... could i haf at least share a little burden? i would feel abit better if some of it would point to me directly... this is taxing for me and for all of us... edith always say we are a team... no one is on their own... i work with zoey as a team mah... she does pouring and taking out while i scoop... nth's wrong... thats how we werk mah... why does jamil haf to say tt to her... and worst... xuan told zoey saying i said that she chased me out of waffle stn... doesnt tt put me in a spot??? i merely said tt i'm doing dining now..zoey's doin waffle on her own... if im in zoey's shoes..i would be angry too... now i've been pull into the picture... not onli tt... zoey thinks tt jamil likes me... she will not b surprised if we r together... how could she tt.... i see jamil as my manager and he take me as a lil sis... it hurt me to think tt she keeps pulling me into the picture juz to get her words justified. i may not seem affected by the situation in front of others... but i am affected by it alot... it all started with me... i just want the best for everyone... i want to adapt and blend in to their culture... to love and be loved by everyone juz like anyone... but i juz couldnt... ave and ana, my souls... left alrdy...shortly aft, riaaz, debbie, munira, shouzi, nicole, jerry all left... and den recently, sheena left... leaving me and xuan e old birds... we have no more say... the outlet is in the hands of others.. i dun mind laa... talking bout xuan... though i like her..(as a fren), she gets on my nerves at times... she cares for me wen i'm really sick or down.. but wen i'm well.. u and nicole shoot me right left up down... i noe im a joker to u guys... but there's always a limit to one's patience... i can joke with u... but if u keep on it for long time... it gets on my nerves.. wen edith told me tt she realize xuan and nicole like to gang up to shoot me... she immediately took a disliking for nicole... im always the butt of all jokes... i hate ppl hu llike to b fake in front of me... and then wen sms me... tryin to show ur concern.... i'm sorry... u pissed me off alryt... u can act as if i'm invisible in front of u... den show ur sympathy in msg... f*** u.... ur so fake... i have no one to trust in gelare... to be frank... i dun trust anyone... i can be close with edith and jamil... but they haf yet to gain my trust... the person i trusted most had left gelare... i missed her badly... i want the old gelare back... but fate is all in God's hand.. accept is wad we are to do.. hai.........
2:03 AM;
I made my mark
LOST IDENTITY
-=|Solistice|=-
I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.
