it hurts to remember the past. it hurts to noe i'm no longer in a poly. it hurts to lose contacts with frenz.. it hurts to remember the close frenz i had now no longer in contact.. till wen is it goin to haunt me? step out of your comfort zone. i kept telling myself tt. reminiscing the past realli made my tears roll.. and the further past past... worst.. till wen can i stop having depression? why cant i juz be sad and the next second be happie? is workin tt important? more important than studies? why din i prioritize my studies before werk? why must i haf such financial state? why must i like someone now? why must i be so soft in the inside and pretend to be strong on the outside? i dun wan to burst a flood suddenly in front of anyone.. not even one... why must i be betrayed? y did i put in so much trust in someone? and be betrayed over and over again? y am i so stupid? why is my mum like tt? why is my dad like tt? why are my parents like tt? y is my sister so hard-hearted? i syg u alot and u treat me like shit.. u need sth, i give u.. i give u the best and i take the worst. u crap around, i clear ur mess.. u mess around, i get e scolding. i swallow it cuz ur my sis. i still love u cuz ur my sis. u beat me, i hate u for a second, love u aft tt. u cant b bothered bout other feelings... i AM bothered by ur feelings.. daddy, ur other daughters disregard u... i treasure u.. u brought me into this world. Thank you. i wish i could be there every time u need someone.. ur sick, i'm hurt. u worked hard, i will too. mummy, sry i couldn't help much at home. u said i took this house as a shelter to slp. i'm sry.. if i dun werk, hu's gonna pay for my skool fees? 99/100 times i clean the room. sis oni clean once. i get the shits from u.. and the reason is cuz she's werking... mummy, i dun party or do stupid things outside. i werk too. i'm physically strained and stressed at werk. u ask me to find another job cuz u dun like the time i come hm... i'm sry.. i wish i could do tt.. seriously! but wher can i find a full tiime job and negotiate my schedule due to my skool next yr? and could i adapt to it easily when i alrdy have gelare ways at my finger tips? i'm sry if i had been a sore in ur eyes.. atok... ur my one and only dearest atok i ever had.. i love u alot.... seeing u in this state, makes me wnna cry... but i had to be strong in front of u.. i rmbed wen i was young, u played wit me, u took care of me.. as i grow older, i forgot all tt... and neglected tt memories.. now.. it flash back every single moment... it distracts me all the time... i wanna be there 4 u everyday... rmb... i'm always there in ur heart.... it remains now till forever... i miss u..... him... i miss u... i wanna help u stand from wher u had fallen.. brace up urself.. i could oni give u words of encouragement.. the rest is up to u.. she cannot be get rid from ur heart now... not until u open up ur heart to someone else.. it may not be me... but wadeva it is.. i gif u my blessings.. i'll be happie to see the word 'miseriz' on ur forehead gone.... smile like u mean it... dun put urself down.. u might be stupid in the past... but i'm sure 'people become cleverer from doing stupid things'.. u told me this... all the best... izwan... i love u..as a fren... i cant return u the same feelings u haf for me... my heart has only 1 room.. its occupied.. i cant open it up to u.. i'm sry... i can treat u like a brother.. a close brother.. but pls dun treat me like ur gf... 'dear', 'miss u badly', 'darling'.... all these arent for me.. save it for someone better alrite? i miss those times wen u tease me, crap wit me.. joke wit me.. i could easily be sarcastic to u and u noe it was a joke... pls revert back to the old times.. misses.. hanifah.... wake up... stop thinking too much... it just tear u apart.. be the bubbly gurl u used to b.. smile like there's no such things as 'worries'. be tough..
3:48 AM;
I made my mark
LOST IDENTITY
-=|Solistice|=-
I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.
