yesterday wasn't a good day. In fact, it could've been e worst day of my life this yr. its the end of our relationship. i surrender. i'm freaking tired. i tot i was strong enough to juggle work, bf, family, skool, bike and frenz. in fact, i could've nvr felt more defeated than last nite. i felt i'm losing this battle. i was back on my feet aft umpteen quarrels. i gave in too much. and when i whine to others that i'm the one hu always gave in, they say in a relationship, u cant judge by hu gives in more. because of love, sacrifices cant b measured. but i'm getting sick. as much as i wish for him to be the kind of guy hu dotes on me, loves me, concern bout me in a pleasant way, cares bout my feelings.. i couldnt even felt a teeny weeny bit of it. all we do is just quarrel. HE had to blow up his frustration at me just b cuz my hp died and he couldnt reach me. and it all points back at me sayin y din i inform him my hp was dyin or take initiative to inform him. and cuz of that... he digs out all my faults. thats y i'm getting tired. i'm tired of cryin. i'm tired of catering to him. after so much i'm done for him, he din take tt into consideration. instead, he rmbs all the bad things. y do i always end up like this? i feel so miserable for myself. y do i always end up wit such guys? why do i always end up being the bad guy? y do i have to feel so hurt yet i couldnt cry no more? my heart feels so sore yet i dun have a remedy. i could oni put on smile in front of others yet i'm crying terribly inside. i'm oni a 19-yr-old girl yet i have to be under such pressure. y din i just continue in sp? if i had, i wouldnt haf to go thru this bumpy journey. i wouldnt be mugging every nite tryin to catch up with my skool work. i wouldnt have met him again at gelare. i wouldnt have any relationship. i wouldnt have to worry so much. and my mum wouldnt have a hole in tt a/c. now tt i chose this route.. i bear the consequences. puttin back tt sum in tt a/c, mug at nite, work, and have my heart pierced by him.
never purchase error at the price of guidance lest be tormented at the price of pardon.
i had purchased error at the price of mum's guidance by giving up poly life... now being tormented in this route trying to find my way out. i brought all these upon myself. i noe self-reproaching is useless. but tt's how i feel. i brought it upon myself. all miseries i'm having is own-carved. no one carved it for me but myself. y is my heart being pierced? cuz i chose this route. thus, tts e price to pay. nth in this world is free. in tt sentence, lies a deep meaning. in terms of $, in terms of emotions, in terms of objects, thinking, and everything!
i'll nvr get caught up in a relationship till i'm old enough to manage myself. have my career carved out, get my bike, have myself financially-stabled. And i'll nvr get caught up with a guy hu thinks every relationship werks out the same way as their previous, belittles me, thinks i'm immatured in a relationship, always thinks he's right.
i may have lots to learn in a relationship. but i think i cant learn it from u. its so tough that each time i feel like banging my head on the wall. and nvr say tt to ur love ones. cuz ur showing ur authority just b cuz u've been in a long-term relationship and i'd not. even if i have lots to learn, just shut the fark up. i will pick things up along the way thru my journey. oh ya... one thing about me is tt, wen i noe wad i've to do, nvr tell me wad to do. cuz i NOE wad to do. dun dominate me. u've yet to noe everything about me. the only person hu can do tt are my mum, dad and sisters. perhaps, i'm really not up for a relationship. i prioritize my family first. they mean the whole world to me.
i surrender...... i dowan 2 have anything to do with ur life no more. u've hurt me enough. as much as my feelings for u were strong, they gradually died cuz i'm torn apart by ur words. my heart shattered as ur words screeched. no one was as harsh as u except my mum. but she's my mum. u can nvr be compared to her. half a yr and u deliver such pain. i take my hats off to u.
i nvr felt much worst!!!!!!!!! ='(
1:37 AM;
I made my mark
LOST IDENTITY
-=|Solistice|=-
I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.
