its time that i should stop putting others ahead of me.. cuz i think for others but at lost for myself most of the time. most of the time i simply don't noe wad i want and wad i wanna achieve and wad i wanna do. each night i wish someone or sth would enlighten me.. wad am i to do with my life. i'm living for others and not for myself. from young i haven't really got to feel love. my mum.. i'm sure she loves me but she doesnt show. i dun get things which a kid would yearn for. so, in turn, i learn to love. i love the people around me. i put them ahead of me. yet, i still don't feel love. so, i'm practically living to love not to be loved. and to be frank, i'm tired of doing so. Perhaps like wad people say, too much milk will spoil the broth. and people gets up on ur head. i tot i found someone hu can make me feel special. And perhaps, i was wrong. Perhaps, he felt the joy to be loved and wans more out of it. And he felt i waited for him... and i love him alot. So, he wouldn't think i would leave. one year... one bloody year with him... i dun feel like his girlfriend. perhaps a moment or two... other than that, its just like a friend with benefits. I tried my very best to avoid all quarrels. i tamed my temper. i swallow hiccups. but i tolerated enough. I'm very tired of being the guy in a relationship. Where are the surprises, the concern, the honey words? If he were to be in a relationship with any of my frens, i bet they wouldn't last even a month. Each time i see my fren's or my cousin's partner, i feel envious. I'm tired seriously.. this relationship has worn me off. Name me sth which u haf done for me that made me feel touched or loved. i dun need my fingers to count. just the thumbs are enough. I may b a little harsh on my words now. but thats how i feel. i couldnt convey my tots in other ways except blogging. Without u, i struggle to live. with u, a long-term tormenting life. its time i think for my own. i dun need a remote to lead my life. i dun need to love ppl hu doesn't noe how to reciprocate the same way. i do question myself, y did i waited for u? wad do i see in u? why did i haf to ask u out on ur birthday? why did i hug u on ur birthday? why did i detour to the hospital to be there for u even wen we alrdy broke up? why did i get back to u even after u hurt me umpteen times? why did i bring u home? why did i always change my off day and haf everything rescheduled to get the same off days as u? why did i think so much of us till i haf sleepless nite? why why why why why why why why why why why????? why do i haf to love u so much yet to find out i'm not really being loved. u can tell me that i dunno how much u love me. but that's how u portray it to be. maybe, u shud learn to love. i've learn enough even though i've never been in a long term relationship. its not about hu has been thru a longer period in a relationship. 5 yrs, 10 yrs... but if u dunno how to love, i pity the other party. its hard for a gurl to be a guy in a realtionship. yes... u can do it for months.. but it gets tedious as days go by. and the love wears off faster.
2:28 AM;
I made my mark
LOST IDENTITY
-=|Solistice|=-
I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.
